Helping Employees Own Their Narratives so They Don't Have To Defend Them
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When an employee struggles, they have a story (or two) that may help us understand and support them. But are we listening? Have we sought to understand what is truly going on? Or have we made assumptions, or worse, relied on the representations of others to tell their stories for them -- and often in a distorted fashion?
The term refers generally to taking back control over how our stories and experiences are being told, especially when they have been misrepresented, misunderstood, or dominated by others. It applies to a wide array of contexts, such as among , , and other marginalized groups; experiencing sexual or other forms of abuse; misrepresentations in political discourse, , and ; and the falsely accused and .
The need to reclaim the narrative is often why conflicts arise, employees file complaints, and lawsuits ensue. My work in conflict resolution, mediation, and dialogue facilitation often involves employees feeling compelled to reclaim their narrative against accusations and misrepresentations perpetuated by others. For example:
- A few employees struggle to express concerns about an abrasive colleague to an agenda-driven leader who doesn't want an important initiative to be delayed. The leader instead takes the word of the colleague who is gatekeeping, limiting the employees' access to the leader, and misrepresenting their actions and behaviors.
- In the guise of faculty deliberations, a faculty department becomes a star chamber and freely chats about the alleged inadequacies of absent junior faculty. The chair fails to manage these conversations. A junior faculty member finally complains after receiving negative evaluations impacting their tenure bid.
- In mediation, a faculty member shares emails and other documents illustrating nuances, subtle digs, and subjective comments that a senior colleague has made. He's been made to feel like a pariah among other faculty who buy into the colleague's manipulation. The colleague denies the negative impact of his actions.
We can celebrate the heroic efforts of those who successfully "reclaimed the narrative" over the false narratives leveraged against them. Two prominent examples are . But what a cost, and what time, effort, and pain expended to restore their reputation.
Rather than putting employees in the position to reclaim their narratives, let's foster conditions where they can shape their own narratives from the start. Consider these strategies:
Know the difference between legitimate concerns and false narratives.
Employees may raise concerns about a colleague because they are legitimately concerned and haven't been able to effectively approach the individual directly. You can distinguish them from harmful instigators because they seek to address a problem, not intentionally harm the person in question. Trust these reports, make necessary inquiries, but ultimately talk matters through with the struggling employee, providing support as needed.
View false narratives for what they are -- bullying.
Gatekeeping? Controlling access to information about others? Subtle or overt out-of-school tales about absent third parties? Consider the motives behind such behaviors and the consequences for allowing them to go unchecked. It sounds a lot like bullying. Don't tolerate it.
Model open communication and collegiality.
Encourage positive stories about team members. This is in-the-open bragging on oneself or others. Support a spirit where team members want to excel and share each other's successes. In other words, promote legitimate positive narratives, not negative false ones.
Know your team.
The more you know about your team, the more you know their character, reputation, and motivations. You won't hire a detective or search their social media. But the more you understand them, the more you can reflect when you hear a bad report. You might think, "that doesn't sound like Jim," or "I can't believe Taylor would do such a thing."
Consider the source. Go to the source.
False narrators tend to develop their own reputations as individuals to avoid. They may put on a good face before you as they subtly work to undermine others. When you hear of an employee's alleged bad behavior or incompetence, check it out yourself. Never rely solely on a single individual's word.
Be an active bystander.
Instigators may perpetuate their stories when their target is absent and unable to defend themselves. If you are present, turn your thoughts as noted above to statements, such as, "I haven't observed that in Ellise," "It surprises me that Marcus would behave that way," and so forth. Ask pointed questions, such as "When did this occur?" "Why haven't you mentioned this earlier?" or, my favorite, "How did Tom respond when you mentioned your concern to him?" They likely haven't. Stand up for others when you sense someone is leveling unfair, unsubstantiated "facts."
Provide fair forums for employees facing adverse action.
Employees facing possible adverse action, such as discipline or a negative review, may especially feel that false narratives are being perpetuated about them (whether true or not). Base adverse actions on objective information and decisions that are defensible by policy and sound counsel. When addressing the matter with the employee, provide full opportunity and time to respond and provide any information that you may not have considered earlier. Also consider having a neutral third-party present to help ensure the employee feels heard.
Act quickly to restore wronged employees.
Don't allow false narratives to linger and cause further harm. Reassure the wronged employee and reinforce your positive regard. Rectify or nullify any adverse records, such as discipline or evaluations. Clarify with others any misunderstandings without unnecessarily escalating the matter or drawing undue attention. Address misbehaving instigators as appropriate.
The Bottom Line
Whether through inattention or lack of fortitude in supporting them, unfairly treated employees can expend untold time, energy, and worry defending themselves against false stories. Let's avoid these situations and engage their energy toward productive efforts.
